Guess who's back?... 14:41 » 01/09/10
mood » content

Hmmmm...

Brief update

New tattoo-

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One side of her face looks deformed on this photo. That's because it is over my BCG immunisation scar. I assure, it looks the shiznit in real life. I adore it and Steve, by proxy, for permanently etching it onto my casper-esque skin forever. I <33 my Mary! Haha!

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Oh and, this is Robert George Rice. 6/01/10, 7lbs exactly
My nephew may have been 15 days late (Lets face it, I wouldnt want to come out into this shitty weather!) but he's more than worth the wait. CUTENESS GONE MAD, MAD I TELL YOU!

I have to shoot off... metaphorically, not literally! as my shift starts in 25 minutes and I have to cross the frozen tundra in order to get there. Ah the joys of employment. I will update properly later

Much love to my Steph!!


Out of my way, I'm running.. 16:26 » 11/04/09
mood » chipper

So
I am back in the world of livejournal after dropping in now and again over the last few months... well, maybe even bordering on years. That is what a lack of internet access can do to a person. Lack of access combined with many other factors

Anyway, my biggest and best news would be my uber cute niece
Meet Alycia Josie Angel Rice
She is the shizznit =^.^=

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First ever hold. I nearly squeeled and awwwww'd myself into oblivion
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This was taken the day after she was born
Don't ask why my hair looks a completely different colour than it did the previous day. I have no idea. Maybe I have magical hair that only works around babies... um, yeah
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This is now. She is the business and I love her to pieces

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Yes. I have about ten billion pictures of Alycia. She isn't even 3 months old yet. What can I say? I am camera happy. I've never had a niece/nephew before. Now, I have her. Plus, my brother and his girlfriend are expecting a baby boy on December 20th. Christmas = Baby zone haha!

Alycia even has her own song. I am an Ian Brown freak. I mean, damn I am obsessed. I loved The Stone Roses but when he went solo, oh my poosticks. It doesn't get better than Brown. I had been waiting for his new album 'My Way' and on the day Alycia was born I heard the first track from the album for the first time. It's called Stellify and the lyrics = eerily perfect

Yeah the first time
When you are stellified
Could be the last chance
I have to sanctify
So save the last dance
For me my love cause I
I see you as an angel freshly
Fallen from the sky

I made a shrine, I made it for you
I see you are an angel
All the things that you do
And now I found tomorrow
With you I'm miles high
Shining like a diamond
in the darkness of the sky

I stellify
I'm miles high
I stellify

And so we're miles above
Our ribbon in the sky
And it's the real love
I see so in your eyes
So save the last dance
For me my love cause I
I see you as an angel freshly
Fallen from the sky

I made a shrine
That stands here for you
I see you are an angel
All the things that you do
No one knows tomorrow
The future stands to find
This rockets starts ablazing so for you
I stellify

I stellify
I'm miles high
I stellify

Yeah the first time
When you are stellified
Could be the last chance
I have to sanctify
So save the last dance
For me my love cause I
I see you as an angel freshly
Fallen from the sky

I made a shrine
With candles for you
I see you are an angel
All the things that you do
Now I found tomorrow
with you I stellify
Throw my arms above
Cause now I fly and touch the sky

I stellify
I'm miles high
I stellify


Seriously, Youtube it noooooooooooooow. Love Ian dammit!

Apart from all that jazz I have been mega hectic on the employment front. I need a job and I need a job baaaaaaaaaad -holds out tin can- donations greatly appreciated! I am up shit creek financially. Fucking stupid country, stupid economy, stupid democracy, STUPID RECESSION!... England is crap right now, which is saying something because I love my country. I'm proud to be obnoxious and british haha
How are you all doing, anyways??


Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do... 16:00 » 05/05/09
mood » crushed

I know, updates from me are kin to getting blood from a stone. I guess this is an update in part but also a dire desperate need to vent

My life just seems to be getting more and more complicated and difficult

Right now my head is more fucked than I can ever recollect (And that's saying a lot!). Last Saturday I was getting these crippling pains down my right hand side, mainly in my hip/abdominal area but spreading into the lower back and upper thigh. Personally, I'm a doctor/hopital-aphobe meaning I will not go of my own accord unless I have no choice soooo me being me, I ate some painkillers and gritted my teeth. When I woke up on Sunday morning I couldn't move. The pain was unbearable. After over an hour of crawling round the bedroom floor in hysterics I faced the fact that maybe this was one of those 'get your white ass to A&E' times so I phoned the parents. That in itself went down well but my Dad came round and took me to Arrowe Park Hospital by this point I was vomiting and pretty much unable to breath because the pain was that bad, to be frank, I was absolutely shitting myself
When I eventually got to see the Doctor (God bless the NHS) she examined me blah blah blah and seemed to think, as I did, there was a fair chance this was something to do with my kidneys. I did the compulsary urine sample only to be told that I was pregnant. Which I wasn't expecting. I mean, I was way overdue on my period but had started bleeding a few days before so obviously, with me passing blood and having crippling abdominal pain they send me to maternity/gynaecology straight away. Blood tests showed an elevated level of hormones in my blood, coinsiding with the positive pregnancy result but due to the pain they informed me straight away that while it could be a regular pregnancy there was a chance it could be ectopic... that fucked my head right up and I had to wait until the next morning for a scan to see what was what
So after a sleepless night I went down to EPU for an internal scan which was very... intimate. The nurse couldnt find any prenancy in my womb although due to the hormones telling my body I was pregnant it had developed a thick lining ready for an egg. She found the 'mass' (Insensitive as fuck but I guess it's their way of trying to get you to think of it as something other than a baby due to the situation) in my right fallopian tube not far from the ovary itself. There was an amount of fluid around the area and into the abdominal wall. When my Doctor came to see me afterwards she told me that I was around 7 weeks pregnant but the baby was growing in the tube. They thought that my body was beginning to break it down itself after recognising it as a foreign body, but instead of bleeding down into the uterus I was bleeding into the abdomin. Once again, they wanted me in overnight so my bloods could be repeated the next day (48 hours after the first lot was taken) and if my hormone levels were dropping they wouldn't need to do anything but I couldn't leave and come back because there was still a chance my tube could rupture which would basically kill me. Nice
Next morning they came and took more bloods and I sat around waiting, shitting myself but pretty much numb to the whole thing. I hadn't had time to process anything in my own head. Results came back but my hormones hadn't dropped. Miss Gul (My consultant) told me that the baby was still growing and not being broken down as they'd first thought so, especially with a bleed in the area already, they'd likely need to remove it surgically. Which also meant a high probability of me losing one of my tubes, too. I cried. A lot. Then a couple of hours later, after they let me panic and cry and worry they told me that they wanted to try Medical Management which avoids an operation and the removal of a tube, hopefully resulting in higher future fertility. So, after another night stuck in the god damn place with my head planted firmly up my ass I went for these injections. They gave me an injection in each of my thighs of something called Methotrexate which blocks the growth of any further cells, so it only affects the pregnancy and not the tube where it's situated. I had to be monitored for a couple of hours to make sure I had no immediate reaction, allergy etc and that night (Wednesday) they discharged me after cramming me full of information, rules and side affects ie
- Follow up for bloods on Day 4, Day 7 and Day 14 after discharge, then every week after if the results aren't satisfactory
- It's essential I'm not left on my own over the next two frigging weeks
- I have to drink a minimum of 1.5 litres of fluid a day
- No alcohol, no sun exposure and no sex until all follow ups complete
- I can't get pregnant in the next 3 months or the drug will damage the baby
- Should I feel faint, dizzy, drowsy, have shoulder tip pain or pain opening my bowels go straight to A&E
- Possible side effects of vaginal bleeding, nausea or vomiting, diarrohea, mouth ulcers, gastroenteritis, loss of energy, bone marrow supression, deranged liver functions, dizziness and discolouration of urine
They told me that some people develop abdominal pain after 3-4 days which usually lasts around 12 hours due to the breaking down of the tubal pregnancy but sometimes it's necessary to be readmitted in order to differentiate it from a tubal rupture which leads to the next fun part. I was discharged late Wednesday night, stayed at Pauls on Thursday and woke up on Friday in serious agony. Abdominal fucking agony. I was crying, couldn't move, shitting myself thinking it'd ruptured, Paul was panicing and didn't know what the hell to do. They'd told me I could expect some pain but this was above and beyond the call of duty y'know? So ambulance ahoy and I ended up back at A&E where the pain subsided after some painkillers and I felt a bit of a prat. The doctors let me go a few hours later under strick instructions to come straight back if the pain worsened. Without going into too much detail because it's seriously gross I passed something the size of my hand that basically looked like raw liver that was what had caused me to be in so much agony and yeah... traumatising isn't the word. Follow up bloods on Sunday went okay aside from low blood pressure which they said was to be expected due to all the blood loss. I've been bleeding for 13 days now and I just want it to fucking stop. Back at EPU again in the morning for follow up appointment number 2

I hate it. I hate all of this. I hate that I never realised just how much I wanted a baby until I got one only to have it taken away. I can't process anything that's gone on because it all happened so fast. According to the hospital I'm in shock because I've had no time for 'psychological adjustment'. I just keep breaking down and crying, I hate how unfair life is and on top of it all, it's like someone up there is throwing everything at me that they can to make it harder for me to get through this. My sister, Emma, is 26 weeks pregnant with my niece so everywhere I look there is baby stuff which, is just like someone stabbing a needle into my heart. Then this morning my brother and his girlfriend came round to tell us all that Claire is now just over 6 weeks pregnant. I'm happy for them, but it's like being kicked in the teeth. Everyone else gets their baby but I don't get mine. Paul is trying to be strong and be there for me but I know that this is hard as hell for him, too. I'm pretty much a useless, emotional, bitter wreck at the moment and all I want to do is disappear

Aside from all of that I'm in a financial hole. I owe uber money out and even with every penny I have (About £1,400) I'm still the best part of £500 short. No one I know has that kinda money to hand and if I'm lucky enough to get a bank loan it won't come through in time. So, bailiffs... homeless? Fuck knows. I can't get my head around any of it with everything that has gone on. A dodgy illegal loan is looking my only option at the moment and that's only if I'm able to get one, which I doubt and don't really want to do because I can't afford the interest especially as I'm now outta work due to all that up there. I'm not angsty or teenage but I honestly feel like offing myself right now. What am I meant to do? I haven't got a clue anymore, I'm completely and utterly lost
Honestly, I've never felt so alone in all my life

End major vent-age
Sorry


16:29 » 04/07/09

Mmmmmm...

So, my 23rd on the 19th
Parents refuse to buy me anything or acknowledge it
Sweet huh?...

There shall be no gifts so, booze and drugs sound an appealing alternate


Dead and Gone 15:39 » 03/05/09
mood » accomplished

No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take
Time to think before I make mistakes, just for my family's sake
That part of me left yesterday, the heart of me is strong today
No regrets, I'm blessed to say the old me is dead and gone away

I turn my head to the east, I dont see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone, but that new me will be alright

Ohh I've been travelin on this road too long
Just trying to find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone


So, I'm back. Stripped down, reformed and born anew... it feels good, to finally pull my head from the clouds and see the world through fresh eyes
What can I say? It was as though life chose to throw all it could muster at me in one foul swoop. I thought I would drown beneath all of that turbulence and pain but instead of letting the pressure crush me I've emerged the other side, intact but no longer the same person. Am I a better person? That question is unanswered as of yet but I feel better within myself which has to be a good starting point, right? I believe so

When I was a child, I spoke as a child
I understood as a child, I thought as a child
But when I became a (wo)man
I put childish things away

- 1 Corinthians 13:11


I am too scared to close my eyes 15:54 » 08/25/08
mood » numb

My life really is in utter turmoil

I'm so unsure of whether I am meant to be walking around wearing my heart on my sleeve with tears in my eyes, or the worlds largest yet blatently fake smile painted on my face. I'm at such a loss for what's best for those around me that I am completely bypassing what it is that is best for me

My pill popping has gone way too far. I'm swallowing whatever I am able to lay my hands on. At the moment I'm averaging around 25 30mg Dyhydracodeine a day just to remain sufficely comatosed

My Mother was diagnosed the day before myself and my Sister were due to go abroad. She has inoperable Lung Cancer. She started her Chemotherapy on Thursday past... the best they can hope for is to shrink the tumour and be able to control it but they don't even know if that is possible yet. We're not going to know until this 3 month treatment course is over and they review the situation

I also discovered that the last 2 and a half years of my life have been a complete waste of time, relationship wise. As usual I failed to see that which was obvious to all those around me

I would say yes, I am a fool but even a fool has hope. At this moment in time, I'm struggling to find anything

Enveloped in a sentiment,
a sound that rushes over me.
Engage an impulse to pretend
I have a faith as pure.
Not forgetting what it means to dream.
Indulging everything.
Entertaining thoughts that I've the strength
of those I yearn to be.
Cheers and tribute greet the saviours.
Reckless thoughts survive.
Anachronistic and impulsive.

And what will happen?
Will I dream?
I am too scared to close my eyes.
For a second please hold me.
None can change in me these things that I believe.
But I don't know what happens now.
I am too scared to close my eyes.


I should have known better 14:57 » 08/10/08

So I'm finally realising how badly my life has decended into destruction

I don't know what it worse- The fact that I've let it to such a degree, or the fact I don't actually give a shit

Fucking off abroad on a major bender for a week, leaving early hours Wednesday
My Mother is seriously ill. Had Phleurosy now they don't know. Coughing up blood, she's on liquid morphine. Had an ECG, Bronchostopy (sp?) [Without sedation- this is where I get my insanity gene from I'm sure] now an MRI scan? It's fucked up
My relationship... Don't even get me started
Drugs are getting out of control, especially now I've found that smoking Joints with added Cocaine are awesome

I just generally cannot be bothered, I'm more preoccupied with getting off my face. At least I can forget that way, even if only for a moment

Hope everyone is good, though
Well, not everyone but the ones I mean know who they are <33


-End of an Era- ... Awaiting New Chapter 14:47 » 07/10/08
mood » blank

Oooooh... update?

My life is in the shitter
Why is it that the better your intentions, the worse the fallout?

Vodka. Cocaine. Cigarettes.
Really, what else do I need?
... I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing. Or of seeing the tears in my eyes.

This Era is over and I await the start of a new Chapter


My Girl Wants to Party All the Time 22:56 » 07/22/07
mood » tired

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We <3 to Partay!

Sooooo, Friday was my Sisters 29th Birthday
The night was insane
8pm- Everyone congregated at Our Emma and Omers House. There was Myself, Emma, Omer, Titch, Udo, Tommy, Sandie [Our adopted Nan], Jay, Emma W, Pablo and Leah
We started the night as it should be started, lot's of drinks, shots, drugs and loud music

10.15pm- The big ass Pink Limousine arrived
I nearly piddled myself because alas, I'm pathetic and have an incredibly small mind
We all bailed in, complete with our specially burned Limo CD, big bags of coke and went straight for the complimentary Champagne. Pablo entertained by managing forward rolls down the Limo and whilst doing this managed to knock bubbly all over Udos coke so he had to swallow the bag, hahaha

10.35-ishpm?- We got to Liverpool
Pabs decided I looked like Lily Allen [?WTF?] and decided to refer to me as that down streets, whilst screaming. Which was... embarrassing? Entertaining? Amusing?
I'm condensing this because, am I shite going into detail:
Baa Bar- Shots for piss cheap, dancing, more shots, outside smoking
Llyods Bar- Lot's of ale, trouble, dancing, free entry on account of knowing the Doorman [Oooooh yes!]
Mood- 1pm til 3am. 3 Floors, different music on each floor. Hours of constant jiving. Too many drinks. Loads of Coke. DJ Shoutouts.
Lot's of Drama ensued throughout our club/pub adventures but I tried to stay out of it and generally enjoy myself

3.20am- Limo picked us back up
We hung out of the window extremely inebriated, people jogged along us for unknown reasons. It amused me excessively, also for reasons unknown although probably due to drunkenness

3.45am- Back to the house
More drink and drugs
People disbanded slowly
Emma and Omer went to bed. Only me, Emma W, Titch and Udo remained

6.30am- Finally went to bed, smoked spliff and crashed

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It was a brilliant night overall. I had a cracking time although I missed my Paulie Monster more than there are words to describe. But what else is there to do than make the best of a bad situation? And I definitely did that ^.^ Some girl collared me as we were leaving the last club. She started complimenting me "Oh I think you're fabulous. I've seen you during the night and wanted to tell you. You have your own style, no one else looks like you. You're awesome" It would have been sweet if she hadn't been so downright scary. I didn't know whether to poke her in the eye or not. Hahaha

So... How're y'all?


... 19:35 » 07/22/07
mood » distressed





Dear JK Rowling,
You ruined my life.
You suck
Kthanxbye
Jo-Jo R

I'm NOT a fan of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows

Currently uploading uber amounts of pictures

End


Injected with a Poison 17:42 » 07/10/07
mood » crazy

Yeah yeah I know I rarely update anymore
I assure you, it isn't through a lack of interest more of a lack of time

So what's been going on, hmmmm...
[x] Me and Paul = 1 year on the 14th of June, so nearly 13 months now. Amazingly happy about that. Happier than you'd ever understand. I know it's cliche, I know it's overused but he really is the one...
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[x] I've been drinking too much alcohol and snorting too much of illegal substances
[x] Cleared myself of my £150 Overdraft debt
[x] I really have morphed into a fuly nocturnal creature of the night. The only time I'm seen during the daylight = To shop!
[x] Pay day. Bought new dress and boots for party partay night next week. Sent Paulie Monster a Postal Order. Still have over £180 in my pocket. I'm freaking amazed
[x] Thursday past had to deal with someone very very close to me taking another overdose. Which was fun...
[x] Our Emmas burfyday on the 20th. ZOMGSHE'SGETTINGAPINKLIMO. I wanted a Pink stretch hummer but in all fairness, it isn't actually my birthday. Haha. I'm still liable to shit myself though
[x] Weekly prison visit tomorrow *Piddles panties*
[x] Hair has been dyed, grown out, dyed again, trimmed and dyed once again whilst being longer in length than I can recollect having it for years
[x] Retired my bridge piercing
[x] Days out to Talacre beach = Sand in new Madonna piercing = Piercing rejection = ANGER!
[x] Hopefully booking Tattoo number 4 for some time next week. I'm sexcited!
[x] Epiphany- I smoke too fucking much
[x] POTC: At Worlds End was awesome so people need to shaddap and quit bitching. Ending//Will = Best satisfaction ever. Will = Whiney tube of fuckpaste
[x] And yes, I have my Harry Potter booked for the first viewing on 13th July *Boings around*

I swear, I'm not ignorant most of the time and although I may fail to comment I do read. IE Steph, holy shit! Congratulations! Seriously, I expect an invitation to the 08 madness -Glare- I love ya, and I'm so happy for you
I shall also get around to posting absurd amounts of stoopid pictures taken over the last few months. My 21st Birthday party included. £100 has just been parted with fixing ze computer [My effing camera leads won't work on this damn shitty laptop]

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Ian...
...Please come and live with me and Paul. Imagine the threesomes?!
... ... PS I will rape you backstage at The Liverpool Uni gig


Sanrio gone too far? 22:48 » 05/29/07

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I was not aware that Hello Kitty had begun promoting Cocaine useage but, apparently, she has! Ha ha!
A gurl after my own heart

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Birthday-ness 15:13 » 04/29/07
mood » calm

The bastards threw me a massive arse suprise party
It was humiliating but grand ^.^
I went to see my parents and when I came back around in the car I could see this huge ass banner (Like, a double bedsheet banner) saying "Happy 21st Joanne" and I just started shrieking "DON'T STOP! DRIVE! DRIIIIIIIVE!!!!" but to no avail

It ended up- Me, Our Emma, Jason, Titch, Sandie, Udo, Tommy, Kieran, Jay, Sarah, Emma W, Pablo, Wad, Danielle, Leah, Carl, Kiesha and her fella, Tanya, Paul [Not my Paul, obviously yet unfortunately] and god knows who else. I don't even remember half the night. Probably because Me, Em, Leah and Sandie alone killed 3 litre bottles of vodka, 2 litres of wine, 54 alcopop thingies and a shitload of shots
It was a great night

Oh, and my right wrist is now tattooed, too

I have shitloads of pictures but my parents PC is fucked and I'm on a laptop at the moment so, I shall upload and update as soon as possible

Hope everyone is good


Everybody's changing... 14:57 » 04/19/07
mood » curious

Saturday

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Madonna obtained
Yayness on how it's turned out and the luberly pain experienced whilst it was done. Please explain to me why some people have the area numbed? Does that or does that not eliminate the point of a piercing?

Wednesday

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Sleeve project begins
Imma going back tomorrow to have the base of my right sleeve started. ZOMG! Obviously, they are Sanrio orientated. It'll be cute and girly and exactly what I wanted. And my tattooist is freaking awesome <333 I'm not that big on posting my tattoo pictures online because people are known to rip you off. So you probably ain't going to see anymore of it (After tomorrow of course) for a while. More than likely until it's finished. But, it's made me happy and SQUEEEEEE!-ish ^___^

Oh yeah, I turned 21 today. So far it's, eventful?
Although, the only part I've really been arsed about was getting to see my gorgeous Paulie this morning and recieving my Birthday kisses *Bliss* Heh, he rang me at 7.30am, too, just to say Happy Birthday. I love that sexy dude so freaking much <33333
I'm sure my Sister, Titch and Sandie have been conspiring
Something tells me it isn't going to be the quiet night I intended


... .... ....... 18:21 » 04/17/07
mood » shocked

Y'know, life is really really messed up, and as I discovered as of yesterday, so is the road in which I currently reside
One of our... I dunno, Summer Drinking Crew? Was found murdered in an Alleyway near the top of the hill
The whole street was blocked off. Police tape everywhere. Forensics. CSI. CID. I've never seen so many of them in my whole life. And the actual realisation that someone has murdered someone we all know, talk to and sit with hasn't sunk in yet. To kill Simon? He wouldn't have said boo to a goose and they killed him? Wrapped him in binbags and left him in an entry to rot? It makes ny stomach churn until I feel physically sick
He was a laugh, with his spiderman flipper slippers
...
There are people in this world that shouldn't exist
And the fact that pretty much everyone knows it was done by his own girlfriends demented brother makes it even worse
Murders in movies are great. Gore is, fantabulous. But this? This is way too fucked up and way too close to home. It isn't just a name in a newspaper or TV report, he is real. Real to all of us
He may have been a sandwich short of a picnic, but which one of us isn't. We'll miss you, Si


*** ** ***



On a different note, I got my Madonna piercing on Saturday and am to be tattooed tomorrow (Hopefully) so pictures coming soon
I have expressed my intense desire to cancel my 21st on Thursday but my pleas seem to be falling on deaf ears and I'm sure they're all plotting something against me... sneaky bastards


I believe that We're in this Together 17:19 » 04/12/07
mood » complacent

I am the Raindrop out at Sea
I cause the ripples
That becomes the Crashing Waves


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Life. Psh.
I think I am inducing heart problems upon myself
Palpatations are not usually a good thing *Shrugs* I should probably eat more, smoke less and phase drugs out of my social life. I should do a lot of things but procrastination always was a weakness of mine

Large, oversized sunglasses are bringing me a lot of joy right now

In *Looks at Calender* 7 days I'm turning 21
Realistically, I should probably be excited about that but for some reason I'm slightly impartial. On my 19th and 20th I thought to myself "21 is the next biggie" and now it's approaching, who cares? It's just another excuse for me to get unacceptably, uncoordinatedly, unnecessarily intoxicated. So that all five of my senses fail and I inevitably am carried to bed where I remain the following day shielding myself from natural light and associating with irritating people
Ironic that I had never encountered what's commonly defined as a "Hangover" until I embraced excessive consumption of Sambucca IE A litre bottle all to ones self
Honestly, my lack of interest probably goes hand in hand with the fact that I am unable to spend the day with the one person I want to. Paul. Obviously. I have a visit booked to go and see him on Thursday morning but, it's not the same is it? Not the same as watching him gyrate publically, semi-naked. Not the same as insane, uninhibited dancing. Not the same as him being the person who holds back my hair as I vomit. Not the same as trying to move his body over in bed so I can sneakily steal all of the blankets
I'm putting a brave face on. But it's just a facade. For the benefits of others as opposed to me. I miss him so much it's physically painful. Falling asleep without spooning with him, his arm draped over the curve of my hip, his steady breaths tickling the back of my neck. Waking up to see sunlight dancing on fabric pillows instead of his face... It's agonising. We have to be strong though, right? I have to be strong. I know it is tearing him apart that he won't be here, but I don't want him to feel down about it. I don't want him casting any negative aspertions upon himself. What's happened has happened. It cannot be helped, altered or erased. I love him more than I ever dreamt was possible, in ways I never knew existed, therefore I am in this for the long haul. That includes the bad times as well as the good. All relationships are sunshine and lollipops with promises of 'Forever' whilst the going is good, but it is the stormy waters and times of trying that test real love, and real love will prevail through all the strife. Emerging at the other side, not only in tact and as vibrant as the day we shared our first kiss, but stronger than ever before

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Back on the subject of my 21st, despite my distinct unavoidable lack of enthusiasm I shall at least ensure that when the day has passed I shall have at least one new piercing and one new tattoo
I've been severely neglecting my body modification as of late. When I had my Gallbladder removed I very nearly soiled my knickers at the prospect of losing my bridge and labret piercings. What the frig is the point of telling me that retainers will be perfectly fine for surgery, letting me spend £11 on the bastard things and then deny me the use of them. Spouting some lame ass reason about the possibly of fire in theatre. What the hell? Explain to me how PLASTIC can possibly act as a conductor, causing a spark? PLEASE, someone explain? When I woke up sufficiently enough to thread metal bars back through facial holes I was elated at the fact that hadn't sealed up. I nearly cried, hahaha
Soooooo, come Thursday I intent to have another hole in my face. Either my tongue or upper lip, and my chestpiece or forearms tattooed
That should at least make me happy

I guess that's all I have to ramble about for now
How's everybody else keeping?


I am the Rain 11:52 » 03/24/07
mood » contemplative

Why does life have to be such a huge hairy camels fanny?

So, with the legal system you do half of your sentence
Pauls = 30 months
Therefore 30 month sentence/2 = 15 months
15 months - 2 months remand time
= 13 months
This is not a problem. This is grand
The problem lies henceforth
You are usually eligible for early release on tag after completion of an average of 3/4 of your sentence
This means Paul should be getting out around December
Only, the cunts are trying to deny him it. On the grounds that- When we couldn't stay in Bootle anymore and his bail address was changed through the Crown Courts to Bromborough Secure-a-call were meant to come out and re-fit him with a new tag (The tag was added to his conditions after he broke his bail by coming back to Birkenhead) only when we ended up in Bromborough no one ever came out. Now Prohbation are trying to say this breach means he isn't entitled to early release
My opinion- It was their mistake not his, so why should he be held accountable. It was their responsibilty to ensure his tag was fitted, not his. They failed to come, he never refused to have it. He stuck to every other fucking condition. IE signing on every bastard day at the Police station. A 11.30pm - 6am curfew. And every other whim they threw
His solicitors opinion - See above
So, they are going to see what they can do but who knows?
I may now be waiting until April next year
Superb eh?
I will wait for him. People may query why. If you do, then you obviously don't know what love is. That's the only answer I have to that question. I love him so much, it's actually quite scary. All I have to do is think about him and my heart starts pounding, I get butterflies in my stomach and I'm almost knocked off my feet by a wave of memories we both share

Oh yeah, I'm also going into Hospital (The Royal in Liverpool to be exact) on Wednesday to have my gallbladder cut out of me
W00t w00t!

*EVERYONE LISTEN TO MIKA! OMFGAWESOME!!*

Relax, Take It Easy

Took a right to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the longings the same.
Where they're dying
Now I'm lost and I'm screaming for help.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It's as if I'm scared.
It's as if I'm terrified.
It's as if I scared.
It's as if I'm playing with fire.
Scared.
It's as if I'm terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It's clear we don't understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we're in this together.

Don't scream, there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.


... 15:10 » 03/06/07
mood » crushed

They csme down like a tonne of bricks
30 months
He'll be out in 10- 13 months

Boom boom, bang bang
Lay down, you're dead


Put On a Smiling Face 16:06 » 02/03/07

Letter about going to Prohabation regarding his pre sentencing report was sent to his Home address instead of his Bail address and therefore wasn't recieved
No pre sentence report = No sentencing
Bail granted once again until Feb 23rd and pre sentence report is complete

All I want is your understanding,
Ash in the small light of affections.
Why is this my life?
Is almost everybodies question.

And ive tried,
Everything but suicide,
But its crossed my mind.

I prefer peace,
Wouldn't have to have one worldy possesion,
But essentially I'm an animal,
So just what do I do with all the aggression?

Well ive tried,
Everything but suicide,
But it's crossed my mind.

Life is a one way street and,
If you could paint it,
I'd draw myself going in the right direction,
So I go all the way,
Like I really really know but the truth is,
I'm only guessing.

And I've tried,
Everything but suicide,
Oh but it's crossed my mind...

Just a thought.

It's even dark in the day time,
It's not just good, it's great depression
When I was lost I even found myself,
Looking in the guns direction.

And so I've tried
Everything but suicide
But yes, it's crossed my mind...

But I'm fine.


My Girl Wants to Party ALL THE TIME 15:27 » 01/27/07
mood » complacent

...

*Looks subdued*

... ...

My hair is black?
MY HURR IS BLACKKKKKKKK!

... It freaks me out
Not used to it
*Strokes Pink dye* I miss you...

I have £100
I am getting uberly stupidly unadvisably drunk tomorrow night
Paul gets sentenced on Thursday
Me, Paul, Emma, Sandie, Udo, Tommy, Kieran, Jayne, Emma, Pablo and hopefully Phil and Steph
Should be fun
And yes, I am taking THE CAMERA!


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