..Just another brick in the wall (narcotized_fear) wrote,
..Just another brick in the wall
narcotized_fear

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I believe that We're in this Together

I am the Raindrop out at Sea
I cause the ripples
That becomes the Crashing Waves


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Life. Psh.
I think I am inducing heart problems upon myself
Palpatations are not usually a good thing *Shrugs* I should probably eat more, smoke less and phase drugs out of my social life. I should do a lot of things but procrastination always was a weakness of mine

Large, oversized sunglasses are bringing me a lot of joy right now

In *Looks at Calender* 7 days I'm turning 21
Realistically, I should probably be excited about that but for some reason I'm slightly impartial. On my 19th and 20th I thought to myself "21 is the next biggie" and now it's approaching, who cares? It's just another excuse for me to get unacceptably, uncoordinatedly, unnecessarily intoxicated. So that all five of my senses fail and I inevitably am carried to bed where I remain the following day shielding myself from natural light and associating with irritating people
Ironic that I had never encountered what's commonly defined as a "Hangover" until I embraced excessive consumption of Sambucca IE A litre bottle all to ones self
Honestly, my lack of interest probably goes hand in hand with the fact that I am unable to spend the day with the one person I want to. Paul. Obviously. I have a visit booked to go and see him on Thursday morning but, it's not the same is it? Not the same as watching him gyrate publically, semi-naked. Not the same as insane, uninhibited dancing. Not the same as him being the person who holds back my hair as I vomit. Not the same as trying to move his body over in bed so I can sneakily steal all of the blankets
I'm putting a brave face on. But it's just a facade. For the benefits of others as opposed to me. I miss him so much it's physically painful. Falling asleep without spooning with him, his arm draped over the curve of my hip, his steady breaths tickling the back of my neck. Waking up to see sunlight dancing on fabric pillows instead of his face... It's agonising. We have to be strong though, right? I have to be strong. I know it is tearing him apart that he won't be here, but I don't want him to feel down about it. I don't want him casting any negative aspertions upon himself. What's happened has happened. It cannot be helped, altered or erased. I love him more than I ever dreamt was possible, in ways I never knew existed, therefore I am in this for the long haul. That includes the bad times as well as the good. All relationships are sunshine and lollipops with promises of 'Forever' whilst the going is good, but it is the stormy waters and times of trying that test real love, and real love will prevail through all the strife. Emerging at the other side, not only in tact and as vibrant as the day we shared our first kiss, but stronger than ever before

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Back on the subject of my 21st, despite my distinct unavoidable lack of enthusiasm I shall at least ensure that when the day has passed I shall have at least one new piercing and one new tattoo
I've been severely neglecting my body modification as of late. When I had my Gallbladder removed I very nearly soiled my knickers at the prospect of losing my bridge and labret piercings. What the frig is the point of telling me that retainers will be perfectly fine for surgery, letting me spend £11 on the bastard things and then deny me the use of them. Spouting some lame ass reason about the possibly of fire in theatre. What the hell? Explain to me how PLASTIC can possibly act as a conductor, causing a spark? PLEASE, someone explain? When I woke up sufficiently enough to thread metal bars back through facial holes I was elated at the fact that hadn't sealed up. I nearly cried, hahaha
Soooooo, come Thursday I intent to have another hole in my face. Either my tongue or upper lip, and my chestpiece or forearms tattooed
That should at least make me happy

I guess that's all I have to ramble about for now
How's everybody else keeping?
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