Your Kisses are The Sun 18:45 » 01/20/07
mood » chipper

I think I am finally embracing my heritage and nationality

*Takes bite of scone*

Fuck knows why it took me so long

*Sips tea*

England is truly the Home of the Greats

... Well, I do live here ^.^

I keep meaning to update but what do I say? It isn't that there's a shortage of activity in my life. Infact, it's the exact opposite. There is so much going on at one time I feel my head is liable to explode and... yeah, I need my head! Duh!

One thing is that you know you smoke too much when you're going through 30 ciggies a day. May God have mercy on my lungs because I'm obviously not going to

I haven't really spoken about Paul in this thing. I don't know why. He is the most important thing in this world to me. I guess... there aren't words? We've been together since 16th June and you know fuck all about him. Well, except for the fact he is institutionalised which... hmph, not really the greatest first impression, heh. He is amazing. There is NOBODY that could fail to get on with him... He was born with the gift of the gab and he knows how to use it. He's witty, he's funny, he's snide, he's wetyourpants insane. He dances in flats wearing my Betty Boop hoody. He runs down streets in my glittery 'Sex' belt, cotton socks and nothing else. He rides single beds down steep ass hills. He runs into walls to fix dislocated shoulders and knocks himself out cold. He strips. His real laugh (Not his for show laugh) is like a sewing machine and makes you howl. He comes out with most hilarious insults to others. He is more of a best friend than a Dad to his children... I could go on but then I'll be rambling and I do that far too much as it is already

In the time we have been together we have experienced and gotten through things that married couples never have to face. When he was arrested, it felt like someone had kicked me with a steel toed DocMarten. Going back and forth to Walton Prison. Writing letter after letter every day, with crazy anime pictures of us and random poems. Having to hold hands over visiting tables. Witnessing him being refused bail was so hard... When you try and put on a face for show. To be strong and there for others, but you cannot help or prevent the tears clouding your eyes. Nearly two months until I was actually able to hold him probably. Nearly two months before I could sit on his knee and have him hold me close. But, in that moment that I met him outside the Gates, as soon as I was pressed to him the hardship of the previous two months faded away as though they were no more than a bad dream

I'm going to have to say farewell again on the 1st. Farewell but not Goodbye. I'll go to work, I'll go to college and once a week I will go to him. I'll do my overtime, I'll do my coursework and every night I'll write my letter. I'll go out with my friends, I'll see my family and every day I'll wait on my Phonecall. It's not normality, it's not bliss but for him it is worth it. For us, it is worth it. My name may be tattooed down his leg but his name is tattooed on my heart

Cheesey, eh?

Fuck it

I am so inlove with him, sometimes it feels like drowning

Life throws obstacles at us all, but non of these will make me fall. The finish line may not be in sight, but I know the prize waiting at the end makes the journey more than worth it

I awoke from a Bad Dream 15:50 » 01/16/07
mood » complacent

I hate my Gallbladder
Horrible, useless organs

Paul took a plea bargain, so there was no trial as such
They dropped the section 18 (Which carries a sentence of up to Life) to a section 20 (Max sentence of 5 years)
Whatever he gets, he only does half of so long as it's over 2 years
He's already done 2 months on remand
He was bailed for pre-sentence reports by prohabtion officers that take his situation, living, problems and previous into consideration. Note: Previous is NOT GOOD! A five page criminal record is a bad bad thing
He gets sentenced on the 1st Feb sooooooooo... No boi for Valentines. 21st Birthday. Easter. Christmas. New Year. BLISS!!
But will I wait?
... Shit yeah
Very few people would probably understand why

I'm abducting my fathers digicam for picture mania

Heh, he was in the paper too. They made him sound like a maniac... Not sure whether that's amusing or not! I'll scan it

OH! And forewarning, my boi is 46


... Ignore me. I'm hyper. Weird, unfunny to the rest of the world humour is kicking in

New Year Bliss 16:11 » 01/03/07
mood » stressed

I hope everyone had a great Chrimbo, and a kick ass New Year
I'll update in a couple of days with a rundown and shitloads of pictures

My New Years Day rocked so hard
7.30am I went to bed
10.35am I was in an Ambulance


S'yeah, I spent New Year off my little socks on Morphine
That'll stay in my memories for glory years to come -.-;;

I have uber amounts of Gallstones that they can't remove so, the whole Gallbladder is getting hacked out
New Year they thought that one of the stones had lodged in a duct to my pancreas. Fun fun fun!

Plus, Day One of Pauls trial tomorrow so... by Friday night he could either be a free man or locked up

2007 eh?
Such joy!

Shazam! 16:09 » 11/26/06
mood » sore

I'm not ignorant
I swear -Shifty eyes-
I know, I know... major World Leaders have died since I last updated. New Planets have been discovered... I've been majorly preoccupied

[x] I'm still with my Paulie, heading for 6 months [Mmmm... getting good at this serious relationship junk. Or maybe I just wised up to what I want in a man and have been lucky enough to find it?]
[x] His bail address has been changed. Luckily. He breached his bail. Twice. He was taken back into custody. They put an electronic tag ontop of his other bail conditions. He was EXTREMELY lucky not to be sent back on Remand for that
[x] I've been in Hospital twice in the past three weeks. The first time in The Royal, Liverpool. The second, a week after I was discharged, was at Arrowe Park. Crippling stomach pain- They had me on morphine. I don't think I've ever thanked someone so much in such a short time space. Had cameras into stomach, scans, ultrasounds. Fun times. Got my follow up appointment on 14th Dec
[x] Seven puppies went down to three. They were mine, Pauls and Our Emmas. My baby= Kita. Pauls boi= Khan. Emmas girl= Lola. Due to circumstance, none of us have been able to keep them. Nikkita now lives with Tommy, Khan with Pauls sis Emma and her bloke and Lola with Pauls two sons
[x] No longer in Bootle since bail address change. Now in Bromborough. Am amazed I managed to leave Liverpool without knocking seven shades of shit out of Em Fanning. She is the definition of an arsehole
[x] Christmas is getting closer and I HATE IT!
[x] I have a job. Unfortunately, the past two weeks I haven't attended due to stomach/chest fuckery. Luckily- Understanding, groovy boss

I will update properly, but I have to dash right now- Leahs 21st on the 29th and I have to find uber presents! <333

Oh yeah
[x] Hair is red. Reddish. Reddy... nifty colour

When I am with you, I feel flames 16:09 » 09/11/06
mood » ecstatic

I'm back again

My updates are rather lacking. This is because I am now residing in Bootle, Liverpool. With Emma and her three children
The reason why?...

My bitch got bail

Happy days!
Seriously, I've been walking around with a smile to rival the Cheshire Cat slapped to my face. I have my Paulie back <333 I get to cuggle and snuggle and fall asleep in his arms= Heaven

And what's more, Stella (That's Pauls staff dog) gave birth to seven gorgeous fat little puppies yesterday morning. And I do mean morning- commencing at 2.30am >.<;; But they are so adorable, it was more than worth sitting up all night

So, prepare for pictures of my bloke, my pups, his sexy prison issue tattoos, moi and... yeah, complete and utter "I'm so happy I could shit" randomness

Why? 16:11 » 08/28/06
mood » happy

I have a lot of 'Whys' going through my head right now
Why does salad cream have to leave a stain that looks like someone has just spunked on my leg?
Why do I still think I look fat at 115lbs?
Why do I procrastinate so much?
Why are Milky Ways so utterly addictive?
Why are emotions so complex?
Why does it feel as though people talk in a language I can't speak?

... Why do I have this weakness for older, bad boy style men?

And why do I fall head over heels inlove with them?

Why do I find it so easy to stand by him despite the fact he is in prison?

Why am I not even remotely compelled to end it?

Why am I planning to make this one last?

Actually, I know the answer to the last few of those questions, and the answer is the same- Because it is Paul

Ever have one of those? Where you meet someone and it instantly feels as though you have known them intimately for years upon years? Where you feel completely at home in their arms from the first embrace? Where electricity shoots all through your body whenever their lips touch yours?
I'm not shallow enough to deny he was a factor in mine and Shauns breakup but, it would have happened either way. Things weren't working. The spark had gone and I was bored. The rest, well, that is private and not information I feel like divulging on the internet

So here I am, besotted with a Jailbird whom is equally besotted with me and, it's weird because...

Why am I so fucking happy?? ^_____^

Y'Know... 16:29 » 08/11/06
mood » bouncy

... I'm turned on by Prisons
Or, maybe it's just Paul
And dirty thoughts of what could go on over small, white, plastic visitors tables

Either way, it freaks me out

Informative, aren't I? ^.^

Basically i'm complicated 17:36 » 08/03/06
mood » blah


An update!

And piccies- ZOMG!

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Me, now
This is how I look- HAHA! My hair is in dire need of redyeing, which hopefully should be happening tomorrow. Going back to my Pink splendor
I've also lost more weight. SCORE! I'm about 120lbs now, which, for 5'9 ain't bad. Still think I'm effing fat though... bugger!

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And this is my Stella Dog, heh. Yes, she is named after Stella Artois, the dirty lager ^.^ She's Paulies baby but, now she is mine too- Yayness. She is brilliant

Those are it for now- I = LAZY!

Life is... alright. It'd be brilliant if it wasn't for the whole Jail situation but... hopefully, that may be rectified soon. Not going into detail in a public entry but, Paul is amazing <333

Oh. Love is?
Love is... Getting my name tattooed down your leg. Prison Issue, sucka! *Strikes pose*

And I can tell you know how hard this life can be
But you keep on smiling for me

17:49 » 07/23/06
mood » crappy

This is great

The down low *movements* on my life over the last couple of months:
I broke up with Shaun
I started seeing [I use the term loosely, as he didn't do 'monogamy'] a bloke called Paul who I've known for a year or more. He'd always liked me but I was head over heels for Shaun then
Found me and Paul are scarily alike
Paul changed his mind and decided he wanted to be with me and only me
Me and Paul became an item
Life was grand
Paul got arrested
Paul was refused bail
Paul was remanded until his trial on Oct 26th
I'm devastated
The End


13:47 » 07/07/06
mood » distressed

I don't want to love him anymore
It's killing me inside

I wish I could let it go as easily as all the rest
But he completes me
And destroys me piece by piece
All at the same time

Sorry kids 17:21 » 06/28/06
mood » thoughtful

I know, I know
I've been AWOL for... well, fuck knows how long

After a week of utter hell, I broke up with Shaun
I will elaborate but not now. I'm in a rush

I moved all my shit out of the flat
Despite his acting a prick

All I have to say is: You don't do that kinda thing to someone you claim to love

So, at the moment I am rather hectic
Sorting out my life
Sorting out a place to live
Seeing Paul [Ooooooh]
Being passionate about the WORLD CUP! <3 Pics of my blonde/red hurr and St Georges flag nails to come
Having fun

I shall update again in a day or so
Hope everyone is gooooooood ^.^

Hope there's somebody to watch over you 18:46 » 05/13/06
mood » blank

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Anyone who complains about this, and wants it cut, can kiss my fucking glowing white ass
The whole... red lined article about the lad who died is the point of the whole scan of the newspaper
I was in work when I heard it on the news. A man had died in Birkenhead after falling through a floor of a local disused Church and I muttered to my work colleages that he was stupid to be up there in the first place
When I got home and mentioned it to Shaun, he informed me that the guy who'd died was actually Docca, one of our friends

It's gotten to me a hell of a lot more than I anticipated
Perhaps it's the fact that he was only 23 years old, and now his life is over. Just like that
We all signed a football that's going to be placed into his coffin
It seems surreal
All I have to say is this: People wonder why I have no faith in the concept of "God". This kind of shit is exactly why!

Some days more than others, you truly realise just how shitty and unfair life has a habit of being

The height of idiocy 17:41 » 04/29/06
mood » awake

Today, I finally got my lame ass onto my Myspace and this is one of the message I found in my Inbox

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ross
Date: Apr 25, 2006 8:09 PM

hahah Hims fucking gay and sold out, they were good at one time then they turned fuuckign pop. how does it feel to have an eternal stamp on ur skin that basically performs the same as limp bizkit, hahah you probably thought u were so dope when you got that too. suuucks for you

My response consisted of

I've had that tattoo for 3 years, and have liked HIM for 8
You think they suck and sold out
I think they make good music
What's more, I think you are a retarded moron who probably wanks over their own Mother as she sleeps
So, why don't you go surf the net for animal porn, or whatever it is you devote your sad little life to and quit sending me lame ass little messages... probably while you rub your inevitablely little cock

... Stupid people shouldn't be allowed to use the Internet

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! 17:47 » 04/15/06
mood » happy

God. I'm getting ooooold *Bangs head on desk*

I'll piss y'all off with stoopid amounts of pictures either on Wednesday or by the end of the week: Clubby clubby party partay, duh! Burfday= Party ^___^

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I also wanna rape Richard Ashcroft for making some of the sexiest music ever in the world

First time that I ever saw you,
Knew nothing would ever be the same.
Sweet love in the process,
There were things that I needed to explain.

Yeah you didn't play with my feelings,
Like the others with their games.
You said its time to do some bleeding,
Time to cry the past away.

Cry til the morning,
Cry til the morning,
We just cried til the morning,
Yeah I cried like never before

The first place I never quite asked her,
Those pictures faded on the wall.
Those family members,
Sometimes they just gotta call.

Sweet love in the process,
Solid chewed and left combined.
Have you got an address,
Someplace new that we can find.

Cry, cry til the morning,
Cry, cry til the morning,
Cry, cry til the morning,
Cry like never before.

P.S. Having drunken lift [Or Elevator if you're all American] sex is fucking awesome <33

When food is gone, you are my daily meal 18:22 » 04/01/06
mood » mischievous

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kdhggodsghsJHFMKZGVJASF .GK \FHGF\JK,faHM,\GFDGJ\SAL;jdfgssdil864jk!
I think I got so excited, a lil bit of wee came out
Hell yeah I'm that sad over a DVD

Hoorah! I finally have a couple of spare hours AND am in the radius of a computer *Chicken dance*

bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
you smell like green eggs and ham. come over to ours this week
*Ka-Zap* Says
Why would I want to do that, when you're the one with the aroma of a pensioners underpants?
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
cuz i need sumone to bake wiv
*Ka-Zap* Says
OOOOOH! 'Kay, so maybe you have aroused my interests eh? What's in it for me?
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
does shaun no your aroused by me haha
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
and baking is in it for you
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
fort that was obvious
*Ka-Zap* Says
I kinda gathered by the baking invite that it would entail baking! And yes he knows. He knows I will lube up a big wooden spoon and PENETRATE YOUR ANUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
stop it smeg
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
i only jus cleaned the jizz off my keyboard
*Ka-Zap* Says
Kinkay! You fiesty lil biatch <3
bababooeyhowardsternspenis Says
fink thats good and kinky? im wearing a ladies lace thong :p
*Ka-Zap* Says
That isn't kinky. That is NORMAL for you!!

*Sigh* I love having random and bizarre conversations [The best involve The Steph and not your Nan!]. Tis good to build old bridges and regain sweet ass friends ^______^ He just better not act an utter pleb this time, or I may be forced to slip arsenic into the very cookies he desires. That or, bludgeon the living piss out of him =^.^=

Me + Time + Comp = Survey!Collapse )

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Yes, bitches
My black hurr is growing on me

Zing Ba Ding Blah 14:03 » 03/17/06
mood » crazy

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ZOMG! My hurr is black

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ZOMG! I don't like it
Stoopid people talking me into things

Work is shit hott
And now I'm going to get shit faced drunk, and blame it on it being a necessity of St Patricks Day

I feel Thunder in my heart, again 17:54 » 03/12/06
mood » 99% frozen

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This is Kaiber

He's my ickle puppy. Poor little bugger is only 8 months old and since he left his Mother he's spent about 99% of his life tied up outside, come rain, shine or frikking snow storm. He's blatently been smacked around- He cowers when any penis owner goes near him, such as Josh. However, two days after we got him he became attached at the hip to Shaun. Tis adorable... he's such an affectionate little bugger, cuggles up to you constantly <3

Brief summary once more [It's easier this way!]:
[x] My job is enjoyable. Some of it is a tad tedious, but the people I work with make it a bazillion times better. Mainly Linda and Sharon ^.^
[x] I look like a total weirdo on my travel pass thingy majiggy. But what's new? Heh
[x] WE GOT OUR FLAT! *Dances with sticks of fire* Chamon motherfucker! The gas people are coming out on Tuesday and we're free to move in whenever we want. It's miles closer to work and my friends and my family. w00t w00t! Plus, we get to decorate and Shauns letting me paint Simpsons and Family Guy and American Dad all over the place <3333
[x] ZOMG DAVE GILMOUR FINALLY RELEASED HIS SOLO ALBUM *Piddles pants repeatedly* On An Island. I shall be purchasing on Pay Day!
[x] My hurr isn't cut. My hurr isn't redyed. And as a result I frequently cry into my fluffy pillow
[x] Last update, I complained about the cold. This update, I am complaining about the frigging foot and a half of snow that crushed my spirit as I awoke this morning. I'm gonna have to travel to work in that shit *Weeps*
[x] Bloody... got the cat neutered, as I mentioned. The stupid vets were so neglegant and incompetent my lil Gimry [Black one pictured in previous. Don't ask about the name, it is a random story] ended up with a severe infection, dehydration and a drip containing fluids

On a much happier note:

Now, by the laws of basic maths we can clearly see that

Add to that the fact that I get paid on Friday... ^________^
Oh how I love St Patrick, the Irish, getting pissed and the fact my brother has already gotten enough tokens to get me a huge absurd novelty Guiness hat <3 [Because, let's face it. I don't wanna have to drink pints of Guiness to obtain one. It tastes like shat. Gimme JD or Vodka anyday over that crap]

Plus, I am able to rest assured in the knowledge that no matter how plastered or unable to walk I may end up, my boy will be there to hold my hair whilst I puke, carry me home and inevitably sleep on the couch when I sprawl out across the bed

All without complaining

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<3 God damn I love that man <3

We don't talk about love, we only want to get drunk 16:02 » 03/04/06
mood » semi frozen

I know, I know
I didn't update like I said I would

Been busy, busy, busAY!

My life [Condensed]
[x] Start new job on Monday
[x] Shaun is viewing flat Monday morning 10.30am
Hoohah for moving out of teh North End!
[x] The course was groovy, with uber peoples but the job has cut it short
[x] Dyeing hurr tonight with remainder of pink splendor- Got to go and look for good bleach in order to redye properly, heh >.<;;
[x] Losing weight again, booshakalak!
[x] I spend too much moolah on drugs, DVD's and CD's *Nods*

I have the camera
I have batteries that work
I shall have pictures tomorrow or Wednesday [Duh! Work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday :p]

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He had his nuts chopped off yesterday
Yes. We're mean

Oh, and also, I may be British. I may accept living in a pissing cold, wet, miserable country. However, this does NOT mean I am happy about sub artic temperatures and goddamn snow for days on end!
*Tries to thaw out*

We knew all the answers and we shouted them like anthems 19:13 » 02/18/06
mood » tired

I'm getting really bad at this whole 'updating frequently' thing
It's not that I have no interest. Or even that I'm a lazy frikking cunt [Although in reality I am] it simply boils down to the fact that I have no computer at my spangly house
I could save my money and get one but, that is never liable to happen
I don't know the definition of 'saving'- Admittedly this would probably fuck me over in the long run but it is most beneficial in regards to having good times while I am still in the possession of youth

Valentines Day was fun
Mine and Shauns 2nd together, which felt a little odd
Not bad. Infact, it was fantastic. It's just that usually people are lucky if a relationship with me lasts long enough to include one Valentines. I get bored easy and, let's be honest, 90% of people today are just... sleep inducing
In the spirit of the "OMG Letz tEll each oVa woT we g0t" Valentines tradition: I got The Simpsons Complete Series 5 boxset. Mmmmmmmm... Simpson-y goooooooood. There was also cards and candy and bubblebaths and candles and lurve. Sexski lingerie was also obtained. RAWR!

I was also treated to the immense joys of a Family meal, in the name of my Mothers birthday
We went to a Rowtana (??sp??HowthehelldoIknow??) which is a Middle Eastern orientated restaraunt in Liverpool. Me, Shaun, Emma, Omer and my parents. It was zazzy. I basically just sat on my ass and ate chicken showomma (?? I'm not an arabic dictionary) and puffed merrily away on a sheesha filled with tasty Two Apple tobacco
They also have a policy which, while they don't sell alcohol there, allows you to bring your own at no extra cost
When it comes to me and my sister, that really isn't such a hot idea
Vodka was consumed. Loud conversations were had. Freakouts at thinking I was trapped in a toilet cubicle ensued and we made everyone travel to a completely different establishment to order dessert ^___^

There is also a drought in regards to my wonderous weed. However, speaking of this causes me great pain so I will pass it by quickly

Anywho, I pledge that my next update will be within the next few days and it SHALL contain pictures. Including Shauns love orientated Sheesha from Dubai, and me undoubtably looking like an escaped mental patient

OH! I also start a 13 week course tomorrow
Funky Funky!

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My brother in law just got a phonecall from his sister, informing his that his 22 year old cousin died this morning
Life is a fucking twat

Music's got me feeling so free 19:24 » 02/03/06
mood » sick

I haven't been around for the past... well, since my last post
I was not being ignorant
I was not trying to make it around the world in 80 days
I was not selling human organs on the black market
I was not plotting world domination *Shifty eyes*

I was just diseased

I still am. Just, not as badly- I can now swallow my own saliva without being stricken by the urge to cry

The damn thing still hasn't cleared up properly and I am at a loss as to whether or not I should proceed with my plans to start a Course. It was meant to begin on Monday, but by Sunday night I was in agony and could barely breathe. So... 5 days later and here I am

Although, I did manage to control my temper and not punch the Doctor as she uttered the words "Viral" and "Nothing we can give you" followed by "You'll just have to wait it out". Yes. Thank you. I am glad that modern medicine has come such a long, long way over the years. I'm glad that we're at a stage where we can offer medicinal relief to people who are in terrible pain
Don't get me wrong, I'm no pussy. I like to think I can handle quite a high level of pain before I morph into a sniveling baby but this thing just takes the absolute piss

Needless to say, trying to "wait out" this damn thing with only the aid of only Halls Soothers, salt water gargling and paracetamol has left my general state [Both mental and physical] a little more than shakey
This translates as: I am liable to be a nasty, uncaring, snappy bitch until this bleeding affliction has completely disappeared

It has given me ample opportunity to browse my Dubai holiday pictures, though. Especially the endless supply of those taken whilst at the Zoo

So, have a bear

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